Charity at what expense ??

When DS entered the corporate world, an irritating character welcomed the batch and was proud to let everyone know that he came with a luggage of ten years in this corporate. This man was a big name in the silicon valley area and enjoyed  fame to maximum extent. This was the same man who took classes for that Batch of folks to explain that what Corporate Ethics are.

This man on one particular occasion checked all floors with intentions of strip searching everyone as workplace resource folks found one Fire sensor misbehaving. A real obnoxious character yet important in corporate ?

Man is so ambitious that at a certain phase of life he quit Corporate in the name of doing some charity! ... Wonders, DS that what Kind of Charity would an obnoxious man like him do ? .... Saying is really true that when a Man is left with lots of Money and time, the Devil rules his brain! .... And this man ? .... he's Devil for himself ? ............Wonder what went through his mind.

Well, after a few months, This Man was back in Business and with a promotion! .... At a time its difficult to find that what keeps pushing people up and up!! .... This man was rehired for doing what ? ......

Anyway, story went that Man tried his luck at his best and didn't manage to achieve something he expected. Experienced and logic suggested this man to get back to what he does best .... Nothing !! ... So he came back.

Hardly a few months in new Role and a great All hands was called. One of the very powerful and senior person looking for Numbers everywhere as performance matrix called up this Man on Dias and announced to the world that this man from now onwards is a very powerful person (VP). First VP for this organization !! .... And the VP ?  He appeared shocked. More shocked than A Miss India contestant! . ...... And expressions on Face ? ... Mind boggling. Wonder, what if someone from Miss India training camp had been there than this corporate would still have enjoyed the services of this VP!!

A great powerful position and work ? ..... Absolutely mind boggling. Create video blogs and send that whats on his mind! ..... Absolutely nothing of course as such the corporate is concerned.  How good does it sound to spend the corporate money on personal adventures and still credit the work done to official status ?  VP is powerful enough to make that happen. No wonder if VP one day will manage to archive his personal dreams and goals with Corporate money, But at the same time is smart enough to fool around the Top Bosses and while away his time doing great charities.

When VP doesn't have any Charity to take care of ... he has utilized the time to create a smart system. He has created a smart place where he feeds all his Gas produce and system demonstrates that how efficiently thats being used unless you go on the back side and see the FARTING machinery!

What a indigenously designed system to hide his FARTs and at the same time demonstrate it !! ... Well ... thats first VP from this Corporate for you folks.
 

Cheap NGO

NGO is really worried and pained. One can easily understand that hidden beating marks on his walnut size आँ must certainly be paining. After all there is an art required to sit down with beaten Ass. Though Piles must have taught him the requisite but then has he ever bothered to learn ? ...........Even Worst!! .. No one believes in buttering his आँ or chair either which could provide little lubrication and take away the impact and thus pain.

There is always a downside in being the nop. NGO must be realizing that, though slowly.

Beating NGO's getting is because of his malformed policies which he never had authority to execute. Interesting point though is that Even without implementing his policies NGO finds them everywhere and has obvious resentment that these already exists and he can't implement them. How can system be improved this way ?

गुरु जी's Yoga has further compounded the problem. NGO strongly believes that जनता finds doing Yoga easier than doing the actual work. But never bothered to learn that who is the constant source of inspiration ?

जनता thinks that if he can spend few cycles doing nothing while working out in GYM and of course warming his office  then why not simply follow the leader ? After all it pays to be the followers!!

गुरु जी were recently taken aback when on mentioning that backlog of work is exceeding as attrition in group has dwindled the resources NGO counter questioned that how about Utilizing the Yoga hours ? Anyway, We're short of funds.

Wonder if गुरु जी bothered to ask back how about getting rid of WHITE elephants and compensate the fund ... ... But I wonder if NGO would have understood the beating. आंजी though must certainly have figured that out!!

The legend of "Chaap[Print]"

The worst issue with आंजी is that he hardly recognizes anyones just like that. He needs special help. Just like the basic natural animal instinct.

There have been certain occasions when only these instincts have come to help. Sometimes limitation on  heavy  glass magnification requires extra help which takes over the priority and becomes dominant. Nonetheless आंजी is happy. This offers a visual though blurred!

Couple of others had a dilemma today as there was  going to be an introduction of a system which could take the छाप and of course smell and do some kind of आंजी type operation for recognition! ...

But not stop always growing Bunny has not taken this lightly and raised concerns that for a growth oriented person like him ..........this kind of system is a total failure.

Hmm ... Replied आंजी  .... Bunny ... Nothing to worry.  Personalities like yours announce the arrival from  miles away !!! ... Legends of छाप always remain pre-authenticated!

Controvertial Aan Ji !!

How much controversial can आँजी go ? .... In a broad daylight with all eyes and ears popping out आंजी  announced to world that a particular colleague has the biggest आँ in the town and आंजी  is certainly eying it... Man!!! .....

   Colleague gets to know of it  all and escalates to the top echelon members who immediately set up a 1:1 with आंजी  to sort out the matter. Seems VL gets to discuss first and decide that if its worth letting others go down the path or he can settle it at the top most level itself ...

Stage is ready for a face off for आंजी and VL. आंजी with his shivering legs and of course his आँ enters the room.

But to start with VL is not sure about actual escalation. VL only knows that escalation is pertaining to some आँ but for what ? ....Not sure. VL seeks to clarify.

VL calls up the complainant while आंजी waits.

VL : Hmm .. Regrading your escalations ... is it related to the आँ ?  ....................  Hmm ...You mean you took offense ? But do you not have an आँ ? ............. So is it related to size or something else ? .................. Hmm ... thanks for clarifying.

VL to आंजी : Hmm ... seems you referred his आँ as the biggest in town! ... Is it the right accusation ?
आंजी : ........
VL : On what scale you found his आँ big ?
आंजी : ......
VL : I believe my questions expect an answer
आंजी : Sir ....
VL : So did you refer his आँ as big one ?
आंजी : No sir. I never said that his आँ is big. Though I might have said Its huge ....... But that has no relevance to his आँ
VL : stands up and turns around.  Then was it to this one ?
आंजी : Sir !!
VL : What do you mean ?
आंजी : Its nothing !! ... in his mind  (Whacko .... This one ? ... Just the walnut size!)
VL : May I have details to your आँ scale ?
आंजी : .............
VL : I always thought mine was the biggest
आंजी : ..........
VL : ... Okay ... Seems difficult to find answers from you ....... But as an escalation has been raised and action is imminent. I need to take the appropriate decision.

And at that time suddently everything in Room began vibrating. VL checked his phone! ... But there was no call !

Actualy reason though was आंजी's shivering आँ which gave up and and began vibrating and of course caused ripple effect. However, आंजी decided to let VL attribute that to his probable micro आँ effect. After all VL is a powerful being.

Anyway .....

VL : To grow this organization we need first class best आँ and as you posses the special talent of identifying them naturally. You get a special role in interview panel!

आंजी : Not expecting that ..... ........
                   And what about the man who escalated ? On a side note ... even आंजी's आँ had the similar looks.
VL : Of course .... he gets promoted ! .... ......... BTW ... Thanks for your help.

Low taste !!

Once roaming around in isle DS found NGO curiously looking for him. NGO wanted  DS to join for an outing for a field  study for a great project which in all likelihood NGO's team will not be doing for sure. Knowing that DS decided to not say NO.

Visionary leader (VL) and other sets of Senior boss's accompanied NGO. DS got to sit in the car  driven by VL. NGO accompanying VL was a great match. VL on the way listed down all the restaurants and home food joints and all available PLOTS for sale!! ... Vow! ... and DS ? ... He knew nothing !!  .... Not even the street's name! .... But then DS is some छोटू guy !! ...

NGO spoke !! .... Hey VL ... you should have been there for the last night meeting with those bunch of jokers ?
Headed by you ? ... Asked VL ....  Hmm ... Oh Ya ... I was heading ... admitted NGO.

VL : So what happened ? ...
NGO : There were too many of Jokes and no serious discussion in that meeting by others!!
VL : ... Hmm .. and where were you with your ridiculous set of jokes ? ....
NGO : .... he he he ....

And at that time Radio in car had FM-91.5 Prithivi  shouting for punch line based on a word !! ...

And then said NGO : ... hey guys you know .. once he asked for punch line based on Taste.
I parked my car on side, took out cell phone and typed "Don't blame me for low taste, I've fear of heights"


VL : ... Vow ... and I thought people sitting in the same room decide and send all those punch lines !!

NGO : ... Hey come on VL I even got a T-Shirt with my caption ....

VL : .... Hmm ..... good that you aint wearing that T-Shirt, else we'd have to leave you behind. This place where we go for field study .... is only for Foodies. Of course sponsored by  Corporate ....

DS, knew by now that how VL knew each and every Joint on the way!!

HP Gas ...

गुरु जी was very happy today with Bunny's performance in Yoga sessions. Bunny did everything correct by doing absolutely nothing. Even Greater achievement was the missing pain !! ... Bunny had almost no pain et all ! .. Not even for the शवसाना ! ... Wonder if Balm has become cheaper ?

Unfortunately आंजी didn't make it to sessions and thus  we missed out the Balm secret!

Sometimes आंजी presence  is so much important as is Bunny's. Whereas आंजी can defy  free fall in an elevator because of his sheer weight which is totally unexplainable by science, Bunny can defy Gravity with just one simple push!  .... Sometimes group wonders if take the lift or just hold onto Bunny ? ... Only factor ruling in lift's favor is that no one is prepared  to go up as such yet in case bunny loses control on propulsion ....

For a change गुरु जी decided to join the group for lunch and while coming back disputed/challenged that Bunny's role is being undermined by DS and आंजी |  Bunny is a global figure and आंजी cube's temperature control is not the only Job Bunny's doing. गुरु जी even doubts that all Global warming groups are wasting their time by not focusing on right subject! ... Makes sense ?? ... .. Well, Bunny only knows!!

And then while crossing the road the group found  a truck coming with full load of HP commercial gas. DS wondered why do they need it here ?  ...... गुरु जी not realizing the question inadvertently undermined his previous statement and suggested ... ... Probably for cooking !!

Hmm .... Wonders one ... when whole world is being advised to concentrate on right subject ... the subject is eating the food cooked by HP gas ? .... What an utter waste of resources !! ........

And soon there was a confirmation from Bunny.

Dirty Job

There was a crucial time in project when Cobra used his own Gas production and blamed it on DS and one another one. Hell broke lose and trues colors of anyone and everyone came out. Splashed in those true colors surrounding appeared pitch black. Colors Decaying like dead made situation so bad that something was required to execute one more cover up operation!

To rescue, here it was ..... The man from US with distinct hair style! .... On almost half moon head, this man styled a bunch of few pitch black hair which he adjusted with all permutation and combinations during the course of time ! ... .... Just within a span of one gathering with DS and other, man was quick enough to bring out to the CAUSES the causes that everything sunk here in slush and in the calm of dead sea but then man promised ......

 nothing to worry ... You've the right man you need ... The Toilet cleaner!! ... And then he adjusted the bunch of hair, quickly reflecting how to flush a commode ...

Point was taken well and CAUSES promptly gave him the FLUSH to control.

Well, here it was .. the Toilet cleaner with all sorts of equipments. A sharp and penetrative tongue to attack from behind and worthless ideas to remove the clogging! .... Pouring oil to a shit hole doesn't make the flow easier, Cleaner learnt but the hard way.   Cleaner invented ideas to manage simple commode like why allow anyone to sit on that to shit at first place ? After all thats the internal business of cleaner to gas around there.

On one occasion, cleaner came with excellent idea .... Cleaning was something man was responsible for. But not that who does it ! ... So why not get it done by others ? .... After all it pays to first figure out the use cases and then take them one by one ? ..... Many a man FART a lot while using commode and when there is a continuous supply of vital essentials then why not use the water less JET plane's mechanism ? .... However, in reverse way. Idea was amazing but lacked the gas and nothing moved ....

Contrary to benefiting the  shit hole ... idea created air lock in the passage and anything which worked before came to a standstill.

Hmm ... faced with challenges  Toilet cleaner went ahead and reported to CAUSES the causes again that DS disrupted the whole proceedings by doing following :

• By bringing low grade oil
• By bringing slush than water 
• By not helping people fart louder and faster
• By not supporting in preventing people from using it 

CAUSES were quick to respond to reports and asked DS to submit report explaining his actions. In the meantime Toilet cleaner has reportedly changed loyalty for reasons which would be explained in new post later. 

The Commode however, still remains there ... stuck ... Just like the the way Cleaner left it. And guess what ? .... The lock can at least be cleared if Cleaner had himself farted once on it !! ... 

After all ... what it needs is .... LOTS OF GASES !!!

Favourite Student!!

गुरु जी is loving teaching Yoga. The best part of exercise is the unspoken team building activity which eventually makes the bond stronger. No one knows yet that if गुरु जी realize that its best opportunity to establish himself at a personal level as well. गुरु जी is doing this, just for his personal love for Yoga and culture, something not everyone is prepared to go distances for ... specially when NGO is right against it !! ... Lots of risk ... but one may ask that if NGO is considered a "nop"   then what exactly does that mean ? ....  ... Lets wait to watch for that outcome.

Through the various classes which turned out much more than bargained for, DS realized that गुरु जी is amazing when it comes to training Yoga. To start with, as an open confession  idea probably was to give a heads up and let it die a slow death. But after the very first session there has been a turn around and unusual interest of following it more and more ... Even more impressive and should I say mind boggling is the way गुरु जी chants mantras and opening and closing prayers. The confidence level is sky rocketing. DS wonders if there would be anyone ever in class to repeat so emphatically ? Well, that remains to be seen ....... But in the meantime one wonder is almost discovered and thats the favorite   student गुरु जी has stumbled upon.

Well, there is no need to use big part of dumb ass brain to guess that its Bunny!! ......

Bunny has been so impressive that he's discovered the art of doing everything perfect by any means. Bunny has learnt to go distances and if not possible then invent ways to come out of them. Like many people still struggling to get to final Halasana position
                                                         and bunny  ?

Bunny of course has gone miles ahead and provided improvisation.


The great part of improvisation has reminded गुरु जी that Yoga is best practiced in an open air theater. Moreover, this has encouraged गुरु जी to go a little deeper and teach Pavan Muktasana as well. Bunny of course is one level up when it comes to Pavan Muktasana. The great thing about Bunny is that he can do this with ease anytime with almost nature perfect precision. No wonder why आंजी last year shifted his Cube! ... Bunny just behind the new cube helped control the temperature that too naturally!

गुरु जी after every new or old Asana never forgets to ask his favorite student that which part of body was aching. Favorite student has never disappointed गुरु जी and has always come back with reasonable answers. On one particular occasion even his आँ was paining after गुरु जी officially taught पवन मुक्तासना | One may wonder how ? .... May be that day Bunny forget to apply the hemorrhoid balm ? .....  However, its not the आँ alone and almost everything has pained! .... Bunny even has his Bums paining for शवसाना |

The Best Asana Bunny can demonstrate is मुर्गासना. Its not that Bunny has been favorite student of गुरु जी alone ! ... Bunny had been practising this since bunny was a child. In a class of 30 minutes he practised this always for 25 minutes !! ... All damn bloody अध्यापक  were 5 minutes late to classes!!

Important part is that many गुरु have come and gone but Bunny has always been the favorite student of all of them.

Cycles ...

DS while roaming around for a quick time pass at certain areas reserved for NGO found गुरु जी coming out of of NGO's office. The expressions indicated something was no so good with always happy looking गुरु जी |

That perhaps was the best time to not touch the nerve and let it go. There're always times when cord strikes and music  blends well with the situations. DS preferred to wait for one such occasion.

Occasion didn't take much time to arrive in the end. गुरु जी shivering with anger and contempt asked simple questions like who is he to ask about questions like गुरु जी लगता है आजकल दिन बड़े हो गएँ हैं ?  Doesn't the same applies to him as well ? .... But then who will Bell the cat ?

NGO is pretty disrespectful for anyone's feelings and forgetting meaning to his position believes in  questioning others. Only advantage NGO enjoys basically is no liability factor. A NON GOVERNING AUTHORITY comes into the picture only when the existing one fails. However, here NGO is actually governing but because of positions and circumstances finds himself other ways!

In short NGO is like the Rolls Royce Phantom with no fuel ! ....

Anyway till NGO finds answers to his quest, he wishes to enjoy the cycles achieved with बड़े दिन by reading books and staring at PC if not calling someone for time pass. Of course the board on door displays "Too Busy, Don't disturb"

ALM

Bunny is finding certain Asanas bit too easy in Yoga classes. Tree posture for example is so easy for Bunny that he can stand there for hours. Only problem is dismantling from the posture. Once one leg is stuck to the कुण्डी its difficult to get out! .... BTW, this कुण्डी is a pure Hindi word and has no resemblance with Kannada word.

For that ALM comes into picture next!


ALM is enjoying his Yoga too. The best Asana he likes is the Halasana. He appreciate this Asana so much that in a class of ten odd people he never does it himself. After all opportunity to admire so many fat and skinny आँ doesn't always arrives at footstep! ... Last time when folks assembled for Yoga classes, the AC was not working and Yoga room was very warm! ...ALM complained that it was very HOT !! ....... but he smilingly complained! .... The truth was that everyone was sweating and Halasana, of course by others,  offered good chances for छाप and that of course must have been be hot for ALM !!

Same day just before going for Yoga sessions, ALM had to go for breakfast. The pain factor was forgetting the lunch box at home itself. Poor man now had to buy breakfast for 15 bucks and lunch for 35. That would mean 50 bucks lost for a simple mistake!

On being asked that how about the losses for food left behind ? .. ALM replied, thats not a loss et all. आधा घरवाला  घर पर है | .......... Seems his Brother in Law at home will eat up the left over food.

Interesting point to note here is the "आधा घर वाला ". Clearly ALM is a secular man! ... Secular when it comes to आँ |  Anyone to challenge that ? Anyone ?

And as this man pays so much respect to आँ , we need to honour him well too. Use of ALM would be highly underrated for a man of this caliber and we should now onwards know him as आंजी |

Bunny 2

Bunny is an interesting personality. After exhibiting special skills in balancing anything and everything in Yoga. Bunny has achieved significant milestones. Tiger Balm for example. Last I heard was that Bunny intends to move onto झंडू balm next.

झंडू after all is a very powerful word. ALM is happy as well, he may get a better छाप this time around.

Benefits of Yoga has changed Bunny so much that in an off event bunny was friendly enough to show case a picture with amazing details. Anyone and everyone could identity him quickly, however that understanding was challenged as there was Bunny 2 as well in the snap! .... Seems the first one anyone identified was Bunny's girlfriend. After this disclosure and various and almost all expert opinions, bunny now is left with only two choices.

• Shrink before marriage 
• Overexpand

If Bunny doesn't do either of them then Bunny runs the risk of identity crisis as other better half which in appearance is almost complete is bound to grow to Bunny's stature ! .. Though Bunny still have the savior punch phrase ..... आप तो मार लेते हैं  to make a difference!

Bunny though has the Snap but still misses out on the cell number. But thats probably because of probabilistic nature of the number she has as Bunny once clarified that Her Father's name was same as Bunny's i.e Bunty and Her mother name is Bubbly.  Father is very futuristic and visionary and keeping Bunny's interests into account, he named his Daughter also Bubbly. And now the Bubbly is the name, so number of course becomes hard to get !! 

Interesting part that how Bunny and Bubbly met goes with a simple story that in College when they studied together, Bunny liked her  so much that he didn't take his eyes off ! ... Someone else felt bad and told Bubbly that rather than on me, Bunny is spending cycles on you! ... Though internally boosted with happiness Bubbly fought with Bunny to not stare at her ... Which bunny noted down to return favors.   And then when she needed the calculator which only Bunny had, Bunny was nice enough to lend it and snatch back just before the final number could be noted down! ......... Built a bond ... and here ... was a pair of Bunny & Bubbly ... since then.

On a funnier side just before Bunny mentioned this all. We found ALM buttering गुरु जी so much that it became difficult to judge that if  छाप alone was the motive.

Suddenly at that time there was a loud thud, it was much louder than a probable fart and everyone rushed to the गुरु जी room to find the reason. And then we all simply discovered the property of butter. Its slippry.

Apparently गुरु जी had fallen off from his chair !!

Bunny !!

Bunny is an interesting man. Any time someone borrowed this man's chair,  has failed to figure out the source of its warmth. Just likes the two sides of coin, there are at least two theories.

1. धुआं है 
2.  आज शायद हवा ज्यादा चल रही है |

Nonetheless, there is a club of all confused  mortals and immortals excluding Bunny!  

For a surprise Bunny has begun to learn Yoga taught by गुरु. The आँ loving man (ALM) is also joining the classes. ALM  loves the visual and has great expectations !!

One fine day   गुरु जी asked Bunny if he is happy with the outcome of Yoga  and if he could feel it ? Replied Bunny. Yes, there is a lots of change in me and Yoga has been benefiting the most ! ... ALM replied too, he is too happy with Yoga sessions.

गुरु जी : What benefits you got there ?

Bunny :  I had bought a Tiger balm years ago. With Yoga I could use it and consume all.

ALM :  Once bunny consumed it all and canvas was ready. I had the print, now I no longer need the real Visuals. However, that still remains the preference.

गुरु जी : Oh ! ... And I always thought that Bunny just had reason (2) going, causing sweat !!!   

And then came some आकाशवाणी. Seems God was saying : 

Welcome to the club!! 

Bunny at his best !!

Bunny while at the morning tea busted a cracker of a joke! ... his view point was simple that if he got time which he has in plenty then he would love to waste it away by proving that how idiotic he can sound! .. It makes him feel great and so does the others !!

And then Bunny gave an example that if you're in Dadar and talk against Bal Thakery of Raj Thakrey then you would be drubbed!!

That brings out the simple question to find out that "bunny किसका आदमी है ?"

Bunny says not he is not the MAN! But he has not been drubbed yet as well. Then the obvious question that if "Bunny किसीका आदमी नहीं है तो औरत किसकी हैं ?"  In response to that Bunny bursts into a nervous smile with his popular phrase that आप तो मार लेते हैं |

Well, at the same time आँ loving man asked  .... " अरे सोचो अगर इधर उधर ना होकर बीच मैं हो तो ?"

suddenly Bunny burst out in laughter and asked ... and is that the experience talking ???

Witty Bunny at his best !!

Meet Ash Kar !!

Ash Kar with his all heroics and hiring and mutual firing by now has achieved the pinnacle of something he dreamed years ago! Ash Kar now is a real big man... Big ... bigger than his XXXL size !!


DS years ago had borrowed a few books from Ash Kar when everything was in good health and things looked great! ... With big bickering around almost all of them were returned and somehow one remained to be returned  which DS found almost 500 days later!  A magnificent piece of work compiled by a great man who would be admired by anyone! ... Anyone except himself to be humble.

Anyway, DS asked if Ash kar remembered that it was his book and if DS could return that. After a confirmation  DS decided to return it personally and went to Meet Ash Kar. DS found that Ash kar has a big posh office and its named after a very famous and great scientist.

Ash Kar : ... So how are things around ... ?  .. DS : .. Great ...
Ash Kar : ... How is the work ... ?        DS : Not so great .. but its okay. One gotta pay for wrong decisions!!
DS : ... So I see that you have encroached on something and it doesn't look like an office space ?
Ash Kar : Ya, there is none available so thats what was done!
DS : ... Hmm ... then perhaps you gotta free up some ?
Ash Kar  : Yes, in fact I even have spotted one! ..then he looked in one direction and said ... but I don't like that space!
DS : ... Smiles  .... you anyway specialize in that ... and then Okay .. bye for now .... Ash Kar : Bye ...

DS : ... Before leaving , ... Hey you know ... ? This office space has interesting name and the one with that once threw away something at something and discovered the great phenomenon. I hope, you don't throw away something unexpected and screw up an another phenomenon ....  . ;) ...


Ash Kar : Smiled .. but was obvious that didn't understand that !!

On the way back DS looked at the office space in the direction of Ash Kar's head and spotted a particular one man  ...

Way back, just within 10 minutes, DS found the spotted man at his office floor !! ... Probably looking for an interview with his group ?????...

Well, it confirmed the person and the fact that group DS, worked, perhaps is the dumping ground for anyone and everyone !! ... And DS needs to give another thoughts about continuing here ...  !!

What say you ? Tells someone ... you know the place you belong now ? ... The Trash!!!!

Nawab and bunny !!!

There was a Nawab in Lukhanow at some point of time and was very famous. Fame echoed everywhere and each and everyone was aware of qualities and taste Nawab possessed.

One fine day, Nawab caught hold of one Riksha puller and ordered him to go to some particular place, A remote place to be precise. Riksha puller well aware of Nawab's fame was on his toes. After a while when destination which boasted no one in miles distance arrived. Nawab directed ... STOP.

Riksha puller immediately alighted from Riksha and mounted the position and kept waiting  .....

Time passed .. nothing happened ..... some more time passed and nothing happened ...

And then suddenly there was a forceful kick and abusive from Nawab ... Nawab was saying ...

साला चलता है रिक्शा मगर  शौक नवाबों वाले |

Well, story goes fine. One fine day Bunny mentioned something controversial  for which  DS suggested something .... Bunny came back strongly with a questions ...

कोई मार लेगा आके |

Hmm ... thats not possible. Suggested DS. In the land of Nawabs possibilities of such things don't exist! ..
Or does it ? ...........Anyone to dispute ?

TV

Gitu always had opinions about lots of folks in college and DS is sure that even today he must have maintained his opinion orientation intact. Gitu had opinion about DS that he wasn't  good with people. Good compared to people like Gitu!

DS, never denied that fact but never understood that what goodness Gitu meant. Gitu probably was too cozy with people but to what extent ? DS never knew!!

At the end of second year when NIMHANS training was signed up and Gitu wanted to use that slot for doing one particular course which coordinator[professor] of  training vehemently opposed, situation came down to a point when professor asked Gitu to get out of his office. DS sat quietly looking at professor who took his time to cool down! Professor then asked a question to DS, Does he know how to be good with people and behave ? ....Sigh .. how could have DS told him that at least Gitu does think so !!

Anyway, one day DS went to one particular hostel to watch TV and found Gitu and Shaha (Gitu's chaddi's Chit friend) wrestling on the floor in TV room. There were some folks who did notice but never went to separate them. On asking DS, came to know that Gitu and Shaha being practicing wrestling there since they joined that hostel. And of course that didn't demand any attention.

Vow! ... so what was something called being good with people ? ....

To find the root cause, DS once inquired Shaha that what made him so close and personal with Gitu that day ?  ... Replied Shaha, ... He was watching football and Gitu came to TV room. Gitu wanted to change channel which Shaha objected. On further pestering from Gitu, Shaha allowed him to change after the corner. And just when player came to hit the ball to take cornor, Gitu changed the channel.

DS understood now that how Gitu was so good with people. Even after a  decade, it feels good to admire, Gitu's good humour and relationship building activities.

Gitu's interview ...

Gitu worked in a great company for few years and worked on establishing standards. When it became almost impossible to challenge those self standing standards and get something meaningful out of them, The work was called off. Interestingly at same juncture Gitu too decided that it was time for him to call it off!! Pretty intelligent of him.


Gitu sent his resume to anyone and everyone and became a celebrity. Eventually  Gitu contacted DS and inquired if there was anything Gitu could help by letting DS know that he was available for hiring.

DS, forwarded Gitu's resume to one of the guys who came back appreciating that Gitu has been a celebrity and everyone in the interview panel already has a picture with him so it may not be worth wasting celebrities time again. DS requested to consider it once again which that nice guy somehow obliged. DS offered one mock interview to Gitu which great man agreed. DS called one experienced friend of his to help out as DS himself couldn't do that.

Gitu was amazingly good in interview. DS sat in the panel to check the progress. After the interview, DS asked that how Gitu felt about it ? ... Gitu was beaming with energy and was pretty confident. Interviewer also was pretty positive about closing the rounds there itself!! ....

When Gitu was told that he needs to prepare more and work hard ... Gitu smiled.

What? Don't they see that where I come from ? ... अरे कॉलेज का नाम ही काफी है |

DS, tried to explain that, Yes name is enough but unfortunately many people don't know about it!!

Gitu, then said that many people are impressed with him .. and then he quoted an example of previous interview where the algorithm Gitu explained was so complex that person could never understand it!

And then Gitu told, then he asked about SONET and then मैंने तो उसे पका दिया | अरे हम तो किंग हैं उधर |

DS, asked what did he ask ? .... Gitu ... He asked many a things and then he asked about a particular byte and then meanings of bits. Gitu was so comfortable with each bit in any byte that he even claimed that a few of the bytes in the standard were like his खानदानी property. Moreover, development on all of them stopped after his father had the operation !!

Makes sense ... ? .. Of course it does. Thought DS. After all Gitu hails from  constituency where Sanjay Gandhi was a reckoning force in his father's days!!

NIMHANS

Just after second years degree exam, there was a requirement to go for the industrial training. Each student was supposed to go to different companies/industries based on a lottery system.

DS, was bit unlucky! .... There were less number of companies/industries which agreed for allowing interns and couple of students were paired to fit into the requirement. But the part where DS was unlucky was the partner. Yes, DS had Gitu as the partner. But somehow professor rightly chose the industry. DS and Gitu got NIMHAN (National institute for mental health and Neurological Sciences)

DS and Gitu went to hospital to meet the doctor who had a project for them. Doctor called up his software engineer who was developing a software for his ECG display. Issue, here was simple and straightforward. Software engineers (SE) software displayed a screen full of data first and then began over writing  the already written signal. Doctor wanted the signal to continue and give a feel of running endlessly.

Well, as said before. Problem was simple and straightforward but difficult to solve. If SE was to be believed then it was an issue of international concerns and there was a hardware support only for the vertical scroll and not for the horizontal scroll. So unless, hardware folks fixed the issue, there was nothing SE could have done.

DS and Gitu had a problem to fix. There was another problem as well to find some pattern in signal and do some calculations based on that.

Doctor asked SE to spend some time with DS and Gitu and help them out. SE was very friendly. He simply helped DS and Gitu and said. Kids go home and relax. I have seen umpteen number of useless folks coming in and trying to teach me that what to do. I'm an SE of caliber and know that what I'm upto.

Well, DS and Gitu came back to campus.

Gitu, suggested that we divide the task in two parts and let DS take care of international issue. Well, that was okay.

DS, thought for 15 minutes and tried a simple trick. DS took the array with some  75 %  horizontal pixel size and when they input reached the maximum, DS began to rotate the 10 % of them out of the left side and add the 10 % to write and displayed them on screen. Effect was simple. Now signal was moving and never crossed more than 75 % of screen space. But this  resulted in signal blinking as graphics was not fast enough. This could have been improved but then it was SE job ;)

DS, after this sat down for a month and went to the NIMHANS with Gitu. They displayed the program there and it worked like a charm. SE was startled. This batch of kidos was different. He acknowledged that and took the emails address of DS and Gitu to contact them later for his complex problems solutions later.

A complex project was done and for Gitu's part, Gitu decided to give DS an algorithm and asked to code it as it was straightforward. DS looked at and realized that whole coding may be done without looking at the algo than to understand that.

Nonetheless, Doctor happy with cracked international problem never bothered about the other one and happily signed on the completed training.

DS, however for the remaining years had to hear the taunts from Gitu. Of course DS, never understood the complex algorithm Gitu gave and so couldn't code it either. Even today, if Gitu meets. He says ...

अरे अल्गोरिथम तो हमने दे ही दी थी, तुमपे वेह भे कोड नहीं हुई |

Gitu

In college campus, DS having come from a different background was scared by his advisor for lack of skills and depth which this place demanded. DS, took that challenge and began working hard to avoid getting further sermons.

To complicate further, there was an interesting character (Gitu) in batch. Gitu never believed in working hard and always came down to copy all the assignments from DS who never refused or lied that it has not been done yet. It was pretty common for Gitu to taunt DS that he works too hard and still doesn't get anything better than him. In most of the exams with so much hard working, DS managed only 10 % marks more than Gitu. But DS worked 150 % more than Gitu.  What a waste of efforts it was ! ...

Gitu, never missed to remind that !!

There was another person (Amith) in batch as well. He was good and to be honest too good. He never believed in working too hard and if something he didn't like, he just managed it with great skills of mutual collaboration.

Any time DS, asked a question to Gitu, there was hardly any correct answer! ... which always kept DS puzzled that how Gitu managed to get decent marks. Or rather just 10 % less than hard working DS.

For his skills Gitu was so famous that once in probability exam he forgot to write his name on the answer sheet and still professor delivered the sheet back to him after the corrections. Even without asking that whose it was !! ..... Professor was damn good and knew exactly the probability outcome of one for anyone in class who may be able to calculate the probability as 3 for a given problem/question.

Still Gitu managed just 10 % less than DS !!

At some point of time after some other exam, Gitu came out and told DS that he had done a particular problem incorrectly. Hmm ... how did you know ? ...

Gitu : For the same problem, Amith had a different approach and different answer.

Hmm .... DS, knew now that how Gitu managed all his marks which were just 10 % less than his.

Management Crap !!! ....

Everyone has to go through the tough times and when tough gets going .. it juts keeps getting tough. After a few failed attempts when a certain person figured out the technicality of his missing technical ability to influence DS with his dirty gimmicks and  claim success, he refused to be bogged down and wait for the Indian government to come for help and declare that climate is hostile. Rather like a clever chief minster of State, this man chose to inform government and all respective NGO of the dire situation this project faced.

NGO has a reason now to help. After all NGO's survival depends on helping such situations. But sometime NGO makes mistakes. The ground reality of doing a great work lays in fixing problems once mess is done and not fixing problems which mess around. If done, the later way then existence of NGO is challenged. This NGO making this very same mistake attempted to fix mess and presented DS with few idea that how to go about working in day to day corporate. These six points are listed below :

• S -  Situation ( Explain the situation .. )
• C - Complication (What complication this thing has)
• I -  Implication ( List out all the implications .. )
• P - Proposal / Position 
• A - Action (Opening Action)
• B - Benefits (Benefit with proposal)

Well, makes sense! ... Replied DS and noted down these excellent ideas in hope of finding some training some day which teaches amazing theory.

However, toughness of project never mellowed down but situation changed drastically just like the only universal constant .. CHANGE !!

Someone got the booty who probably deserved the kick and hopeful one ? .. The kick.

A quick meeting with NGO was arranged again to fix this mess. This time NGO helped create this one, On top of that,  here it was ... an another mistake .......

NGO  tried his best to mess around the already existing  mess. But this was no ordinary situation! ... Already buried deep in mess, for DS there was nothing more to lose! 

NGO began, ...... There are certain parameters which went in that *someone* favor.  

Like ? Asked DS.  Came answer, after a pause ... like work here and work in the previous group.

Hmm ... Sounds interesting. Let me ask a question, said DS. Tell me what I have done in previous group ?

NGO : ... Complete silence ... (Not expecting question .. was taken aback)

DS : ... Forget about that .. Tell me what I have done here ? 

NGO : .. no response ... 

DS ... And you're the one who took decision ? I hope, you wouldn't even know that what that *someone* has done ?

NGO : ... No response ... 

DS : This has been a complete disaster for me. The choice of choosing this place as the next career move was the utmost stupidest decision of my life. I have no guilt now in acknowledging that I would regret this forever.

NGO : No, its not like that ... its a great place to work and I'm sure that looking forward there are more positives in this group.  You can look at the various teams in this group.

DS:  Hmm .. if you say so .. then would you mind giving me name of any person too other than the *weight* who been here for more than five years ?

NGO ... Taken back again.

DS : I believe, you got nothing more to talk to me. If you don't have anything more to say then we dismiss now ?

NGO : Okay ... 

And thus ended the great meeting. While DS left, NGO certainly had a few questions to keep himself amused.

DS, also had a question in his mind ....

Did, NGO refer to his SIX point ideas before calling DS for a meeting ?

Well, Its easier to FART than control !! .... And DS, knows, he proved it there.

Friendship!!

In college DS was a part of a group of totally different minded people. There were three in the group and of course DS was one. Group decided to hunt for a house when graduation was about to be completed and workmanship of a man was to begin. However, Authorities asked batch to vacate much before and having no other option than relying on old friends, DS and group stayed in college for few days even after finishing college which was totally illegal as host decided to pocket the meager money supposed to be deposited as the guest money to hostel.

One fine day. The only drinker (SK) in group decided to go to a bar and of course the useless members had to assist him. It was around  0000 Hrs. On the way back, another group of three folks, one of which was drunk,  happened to pass nearby and drunk man asked for the time. In the process, he happened to hit the 3rd person in group who immediately began cribbing. Somehow other members of other group controlled the drunk guy and then both groups entered campus entrance which was guarded by security. The other group had appearance of outsiders.

Drunk man in the DS's group (SK) suddenly attacked the drunk man in other group and within seconds there was a fight. Within another second DS realized the Smart drunk man (SK) was being drubbed and was crying and begging for the mercy. DS had to intervene and save him and in the process get hit as well. There was something missing!

And then suddently all three members of other group ran away. DS and Smart Drunk man (SK)came out and saw the  scared security guard inside the campus who chose to let the warring parties decide when to wind up. Third member was missing. Worried, DS went a bit further and was worried again when a pair of slippers was noticed. Third man had graced them on many occasion.

A few steps further, and DS saw a boy in shocked state !!

DS, asked what happened ? ...



Boy replied .. someone ran very fast in that direction --->

Seems, third man had run so fast that slippers couldn't hold on to flying feet.. And boy had reasons to be shocked. 

Way back, third man told that  he came running from there to take his friends to the scene.  Unfortunately, friends had gone to finish some official work and so couldn't be approached. Hmm .... official work at 0000 Hrs ? Sounds interesting. May be, friend had gone to deposit guest money!!

Well, DS never had any answers to honest attempt of third person. But yes, DS may know after years that where Usain Bolt got his inspiration from ;) 

Driving Tests in India ...

At some point of time DS decided to get a driving licence. Process is simple and straightforward as per the Indian government, with a little exception that no one knows what it is! So, DS decided to follow more learned person who simply favored to talk to a Tout.

Tout was nice and honest man and believed in socializing. He requested DS and more learned person to make more visits and bring booty each time, which more learned person dutifully  obliged! Inspector was never available for Tests as that would mean end of running economy. More learned person was  really a leanred person and continued this process, however DS not understanding the complexity  decided to part with nice and honest tout. Exactly almost a decade now DS understands that who triggered recession in 2001!

Well, After a certain hurdles here and there, DS managed to file an application which was fairly simple process. DS just had to randomly stand in each queue for few hours and in the end find a new queue to join. On one lucky hour, one person finally reluctantly had to acknowledge the initial Jackpot was hit.


Next step was to get the driving test done. Curiously looking at the concerned inspector who surprisingly and of course reluctantly took the forms. DS stood in the queue with clear understanding that it was a priority [$$] based queue and DS always stood a chance. Albeit  the last one!!

Anyway, in the end after the test, Inspector asked one simple question :

If a car is being driven in front of you and you're on a bike then how do you drive ?

Hmm .... Curious DS thought for a minute that shitty country and city boasts only of king size pot holes and speed breakers. The best chance with little visibility when following a car lays with driving just on one of its sides and not exactly the middle which exposed bike to otherwise sometimes well engineered reckless and  dangerous citizen assisting traps.

Failed was something marked on the application for this answer.

Exactly after a decade, DS knows that correct theortical answer was to follow the car in the middle and assumption inspector made was that car would follow lane discipline. However, each time a dangerous trap is negotiated everyday for at least 20 times. DS knows that practical and life saving answer would still be to stand by the same thinking. You may not get a licence this way but would hold onto precious life to apply many more times for the same !!

Total Screw up !!

Nature is an intriguing element. Anything human can't understand is of course doing of nature. Mankind though has understood that greater catastrophes strike only after an extended period of lull. One exactly for that reason remains puzzled for long till butterfly flaps its wings. This flap clearly states the outcome of effect, yet exhibits ignorance that it may not exactly be the trigger !!

Saddened and dusted under the harming flaps of unexpected wings, One  has a reason to know that what makes a healthy well fed butterfly wake up to explore ?

A poor flower who totally relies on butterfly to spread its seeds and save its own kind has probably no reason to resist or coerce butterfly to not flap its wings! Its own well being is dictated by Butter actions and fly always hovered around in attempt to help, however only  pretext remained true and the real reason ? sucking the juice out ? of course hidden.

Perspective that seeds will be spread and flower would get to see the growth remains controlled to butter fly which  may chose to not mix/drop seeds.  One can be  even more disheartened by fact that Flower promises to drop down to gloom if One doesn't  grow! ...

Once butterfly is content and done with flower. where does this Flower stand a chance to even survive ? Leave alone the position and value add this proposition actually add ?

One if wishes to see growth in same land mass then has to find another flower plant. Worst part, though would be the harvesting time till flower blooms!

The only choice probably left is to not rely on flapping pretty looking flies and probably finding a place where breeze naturally honouring the randomness of system. One certainly stands a chance to find the right match and grow! ... But poor problem  ........ how to reach there ??

A short story of Cobra and Best ASS

DS doesn't know that how in past huge Mammoths were hunted down by human with almost no weapons. However, DS knows for sure that how Cobra hunts!

It holds the ability to inject deadly venom.

DS, once, came across a method  dirtiest Cobra presently known exercised. Cobra preferred to conserve  its venom and utilized corporate FART. Different species of Cobra go through different life cycle and some of them are smaller than others and are wary of them. In this particular case Cobra smaller than target, somehow remained hidden. It utilized Gas produced by bigger kind and let it attack ASS. Under assault ASS was told that GAS was captured by DS and unleashed on ASS.

ASS had all reasons to choke DS.  Moreover, all senior ASS in organization gave DS a smell of their very owned FARTS. It was like HELL on EARTH and life threatening experience.

When DS, went and asked Cobra that why would it unleash someone's else GAS and blame it on DS ? Cobra replied that it was all ASS doing. ASS has gone mad and is FARTing everywhere. Its getting stinky here said Cobra after flashing its forked tounge and left!

One day ASS asked DS that DS is neither a snake charmer nor fan of Cobras. Then why is DS assisting Cobra ? ... DS simply answered that in days of Globalization, DS doesn't want to sounds bad towards Animal and just to avoid agitation of PETA, has to honor Cobra's call.

God knows what ASS went and told Cobra !Cobra, no longer troubles DS visibly  but  is back to its stealthy ways of hunting. ASS refuses to understand the risk as it lacks Vision. ASS continues to think that Cobra is a quite species now as its FANGS were chipped off when GAS and FART scandal happened.


Only DS knows the fact. A Snake in its life time develops the FANGS many a time and sheds them off. STUPID ASS remains under threat. Let some visionary leader come and save it.

Yard Stick ..

Hissing with anger, DS for a second, has no time to think anything. An unthinkable had happened. Someone who should have been fired as per the report from insider has gone to moon! This someone who till yesterday had absolutely no idea that where and how to even burp leave aside the FARTS, has been chosen to lead all the best and not so worst FARTS.

DS has all reasons to get annoyed with ASSes as they for whole year kept breying दो दो as productivity for each week. This calculation according to micro managing ASS should have produced at least 106 detailed Master pieces. On one particular occasion, BREYING ASS reminded DS that DS had a reduced productivity of just 0.3 Master Pieces as there was an official shutdown of 2 weeks. Joker ASS just meant to FART and BREY and never bothered for fundamentals.

Same ASS has the moral ethics to nominate a wonderer as Leader of the ASS clan that too when Burping leader has less than 10 master pieces to his credit in one and half a year. God knows what happens next. DS is one angry DUMB ASS for the time being.

FRAUD !!

Year 2009 was a year of happenings.  World didn't recover from recession which began in 2008 and continued to slip to abyss. DS, was lucky enough to be associated with a great team, directly handling most of the TRASH and recycling and working on ways to optimize green GAS produces. Somehow this helped DS maintain/retain a Job. Waste management is essential Green and planet friendly.

Till the end of 2009 almost everything appeared fine and then was a disheartening news!!


Some bunch of non productive jokers in attempt to show to world that GAS produce is actually not responsible for GREEN HOUSE EFFECT, more commonly known as the GLOBAL WARMING have hacked into the world's MOST FRAUD topic of the century. THE GLOBAL WARMING.

They have managed to expose to world that data is all bogus and fabricated. All data and research obtained was subject to  top ASSes own PRODUCE and there was, though a warming but in pockets and for a specific purposes.

This research has questioned the need to manage  TRASH which DS team is responsible for.  This also has brought whole new dimension to waste management for GREEN planet and older methods of recycling are no more sought after. Till the authenticity of this hacking report is confirmed, there is a life line.

If investigation proves the exposure and fraud then future no longer hangs in balance for this FART organization.

Clock with each tick reminds the inevitable and peek into uncertainty. However, DS for a change is a happy man for reasons unknown even to himself !!

Inefficient true lies

At certain point of time, DS is made to stand on the cliff and there is just one option. GO.  People on the side of cliff want DS to stay there and understand the importance of his presence and appreciate that all openly. But none of them is willing to do the essential of just walking down and bring him back to safety line!!

DS, standing on the cliff is lost in deep thoughts! .... Isn't this the end story anyway ? Then whats stopping him from Jumping down and do the needful ? One of the thoughts DS gets is that if its wise at this point of time to jump alone or go with everyone ! .. After all, its everyone who is at risk of going down, however in some other way.



Some people had chosen this path by visionary actions and are proud to hold the pinnacle. But DS had never been so visionary and that exactly one of the reasons that standing on the cliff he has to think so hard ! ...

Just a few day ago DS's Boss had told him that foundation and management of this organization is so strong and robust that even the greatest Earth quake can't shake it. But at the same time he has promised DS to provide a Parachute for safety!

Looking at the slings of Parachute DS has no hope that it would solve the problem of this organization. Even if DS jumps down, the structure has to crumble as how much of TRASH can this hold ? How long inhabitants of this structure continue to utilize the FART produce to counter attack gravity ?

There have been umpteen number of promises from the Senior ASS that he would continue to produce more FART to sustain stability. But ASS seems to bring more TRASH incapable of generating their own FART in right direction. Moreover, now there is a problem of varied subtlety ! .. ASS has brought, more ASS, PONNY and MULES and wants to convert them all to HORSES and that too a fine RACING horses! .... Jockeyed  by a slippery and slithery COBRA.

Future of this Organization is already decided by the visionary KING. DS now has to decide his future. His future is not a mere toss of coin of some leaf which can be moved around by FARTs. Only concerns at any point of time is to take the path everyone going to follow and then utilize the Parachute to guarantee his own safety or redeem his self by walking down to cliff and search for a suitable HORIZON.

Buoyancy source !!

In Previous meeting mentioned in Buoyancy post, DS wondered that if Shallow water and Gas of producers were something which gave the senior MAN some buoyancy! Sometimes in corporate there is need to ponder about all wondering! Things never get clear even if FART flight changes.


DS roaming in isle wondering how to pretend to be doing some great work got food for thought. There was magnificent producer cribbing about the Senior MAN(SM). SM had rushed back to the visionary leader (VL) without wasting time and provided the valuable insight into what his team thinks about his philosophy and comfort label.
VL already embarrassed with revelation of all his money distributions to favorite pussies was quick enough to call magnificient producer to explain the origin of paradigm and reason behind discussing $ with SM !


Already under the assault of  other FARTs and now of SM, VL had all the reasons in world to FART louder and clearer. Magnificent producer had no other option than to explore that how to justify the Gas released in meeting.

DS had an open justification to offer. SM in meeting to punch FART deeper had begun with branding this  team TRASH and had exaggerated opinions of his assertion.

Magnificent Producer had released his Gas only to consolidate the assertion and riding boat in same flow at that time. It was a logical decision and SM shouldn't have gone ahead and cribbed about  strengthening  of his  own production and attributing the blame to other contributers.


Magnificent producer by now had enough food for thought!

In the meantime, DS had the Eureka!  .. The source of Buoyancy for SM in shallow pond actually was not the Gas production of team members but  FART production of SM himself who was in rush to fly and report !!

However, whatever be the result of outcome and suggestions.   DS was happy that some work was eventually done. After all leaders have responsibility towards showing the direction for achieving results and this manner of execution appeared satisfactory.

Garbage management !!!

Sitting in a big gathering and getting a first hand experience and feel of global warming affecting planet Earth. DS had no idea that what he was getting into. There was something awaiting to transform the life of each contributing member and change the way world looked at them !

Gathering was called in by the senior most man in the organisation and a lot more was expected. It was something pasted everywhere and each member had to contribute liberally to expand the warmth! Leader of that maginitude deserved a warm ovation. And when leader entered the room the deafenning noise and gush of warmth was breath stopping !! ..

Leader began his inspiration life journey with real life examples. Peach of all was the path to destination where he belongs now!

Leader when began the path, others warned him to not get into that. Others saw only Garbage strewn all over the path but man of potential and amazing vision saw a prize. Leader could sense his energy conversion and its impact on global warming. There was something imminent awaiting to arrive and was  indispensable. This was the life long opportunity. There were many other who could walk on other paths  but then they had disadvantage of problem of plenty. This was something allowing the leader to do things exactly the way he preferred. No one ever has any issue in dealing with trash in junk manner and thats where the opportunity laid.

Everyone wants disposal and management of Garbage and they're willing to do it at any cost! Leader only had to build the army of leaders with different team and pass on the Garbage. The same shit could be rotated in the system for as long as it allowed and in the end when it rotted, the gas produced added to extra energy gain.

Using this energy, today leader is a strong personality and an important man. Future of whole planet depends on what he does and doesn't do.

Today, is the day when leader personally takes pride in thanking each member of the team for the excellant support and adding extra 10 percent of their own productions to improve the process.

Leader signed off with a big loud thud and warm rewards for everyone ! Each member except DS reciprocated in exactly the same manner. This was the moment which everyone awaited! They had the formula to reach the pinnacle and what they learnt was so simple !

Just do the garbage management and when not enough, let it rot ... the gases will do the rest. If still missing, then use the extra 10 % of own production !!

BCMC at Golden SPA palm resort !!

Years ago a famous Doctor of psychology signed up to provide some behavioral training to DS and couple of other folks. An expensive training at a fairly reasonable place!! A dream come true, till DS went in for the training.


Worst part about all these Behavioral and Self help training is the self explanations of that I was like this and I was like that ... and blah blah and blah ...  And with all these I could transform myself as a new person and being able to fool around fools like you.

Man explained hell lots of things about the behavioral sciences and that how they help and how he was a doctor of all this.
DS lost interest in all Blah Blah .. and Doctor didn't like it !! He pestered DS to participate and ask questions. Then DS asked question.

Research suggests that Psychology is something people are gifted with. There is nothing like learning it through books and degrees. Whats your opinion about it, Doctor ??

Doctor was very kind to demonstrate the behavioral science which needs correction and he was there to help! ....

In the end at night there was another Specimen practicing behavioral science and eating dinner with great Doc and asked a question. Doc said that if he answers that then he would start calling him BCMC!!

Not understanding that, Specimen walked up to DS table and asked whats BCMC as suggested by Doc ?

बहिन C मादर C. Told DS.


Next moment, Specimen was holding DS's neck and searching for all the stones and sticks and iron rods around to thrash. Surprised DS asked why ?

How dare you abuse me ? Asked specimen.

Unbelievably  true shit ! .. Thought DS for a minute. Some other folks at table in the meantime got the Specimen away and explained to him that what had happened !

Doc was enjoying his Booze at the other table.  Looking at DS in a way as if asking question that you know now that who is the बाप of psychology ?

Top performer ???

Being in corporate for long and not being able to do justice to his corporate talent, DS is very disappointed!!  Even after eating the same crap food in Cafe and drinking all lousy free corporate beverages, DS is not able to let the FART flow freely !!  Occasionally there has been a glimpse of promise though but Corporate is result oriented.

One fine day, DS found one of best FART producer in parking lot and inquisitively asked the honest question that how come FARTing machine was leaving the corporate premises too early that day ? .... How would his FARTs resonate and remind of his great presence and contribution to top ASS now ?

Well, clarified FART ing machine to DS. Buddy, please don't take me wrong. My excessive FART generation is not because that I want to put less talented people like you in turmoil. I'm just trying to save my ASS!

Wondered DS how ?

And then FART machine clarified that his ASS has liquidation issue and so consistent FART generation keeps the ASS rust free and intact !!

This eventually saves it from getting kicked out !! .....

Eureka !! .. Said DS. He learnt today that most of the corporate men working hard by generating FARTS in official premises are actually saving their ASS as it lacks some or another capabilities !!

Losers I will make you winners !

One of the greatest trainings DS ever attended offered too much to digest. Top losers participating instantly showed progress.  DS too showcased some quick hints and asked the instructor for an inhaling filter.

Training was an amazing piece of shit presented in gold plated virtues and beautifully  hard bound book. The whole concept revolved around a paradigm. Interesting part of flow of this information was to offer ideas on how to understand different paradigms in view of just one paradigm which book preached and the instructor learnt from his instructor!

Best part of training was the introduction and expectations people had from the training. To begin with,  instructor introduced himself as being the ex CEO of an XYZ company only he knew about! before taking up this profession, which brought private excellence to him.

Another person introduced himself as a "nice" person and recently married. He is very productive in his corporate life and wants to be equally productive as a husband too!  Man ! .. Give it a break, thought DS for a second.

One more person who too was just married was very happy about the new relationship and was aggressively hoping to complete first year anniversary!

One lady wanted to be a Darling of everyone ! .. And then she corrected herself, no only of parents and  in laws ! .. Poor husband, DS felt pity for him !! Instructor appeared disappointed too !!

One person introduced himself as being the biggest loser ever known and explained how a previous training on time management using outlook transformed his life ! .... He could register 3 hours daily for shitting to handle his constipation. Outlook allowed him to coincide this with his lunch. The best victory he managed with that was THE additional push.

DS, introduced himself as being glad to proxy someone! ... Expectations from this meeting is to have some case studies later.

After all those intorductions, there was nothing winning instructor could do to make him biggest loser from Loser.