Thursday, December 26, 2019

Monkeys and the crocodile !

Once upon a time a group of monkeys used to live around the bank of a river. They'd jump from one tree to another tree and eat a lots of yummy fruits. In the river there was a big strong crocodile who also used to swim around the trees and look for the monkeys on the hanging branches.

Monkeys were very cautious about the crocodile and their leader always advised them to keep away from crocodile and not venture near the river bank when crocodile is around.

One day unfortunately one monkey was hanging low on a branch and Crocodile jumped out of water and tried to catch it. Seeing this, the leader monkey threw some fruits on crocodile and others also started following the same. Crocodile disturbed by this melee left the monkey alone and swam away.

After that day, monkeys saw the crocodile move around in water but not trying to catch any of them. One day a small baby monkey fell in the water and all the monkeys panicked. They knew it was a sure food for crocodile now. But to their surprise, the crocodile, nudged the baby to river bank safely!

Monkeys were shocked but still they remained careful. One day again another monkey fell down in the river and this time too, the crocodile helped monkey reach the bank without harming him.

This prompted the leader of the monkeys to ask that why would crocodile do that ? I'm a changed crocodile now .. replied Croc .. perhaps it has something to do with this fruits you'd hit me with. Probably that showed my brain the wrongs I was doing.

After that day, crocodile would swim around casually and monkeys also became less wary of him and slowly became friendly. Where do you live ? asked one monkey curiously to crocodile some day ... Oh the other side of river ...answered croc. Oh .. I wonder, how that side look alike - said money ? .. Oh if you would like to see that then I could take you on my back and show it ... Said Croc.

Monkey agreed and croc took it to other side ...  Lush green areas, trees laden with fruits is what Monkey saw and liked it very much. They both returned to the other side of banks. Monkey told others that we should relocate to that side as it appears better.

Everyone agreed and Crocodile promised to take them one by one each day. And migration started.
Finally only one monkey, the leader  remained and his term came.  Half way down the river, Croc dropped the monkey in the river and started attacking it.

Now leader monkey realized that Croc played them all along and cunningly trapped them in a sinister plot. Croc never took the monkeys to other side and ate them one by one each day. Unfortunately it was too late for him too and he was eaten as well.  In his last moments he realized that group should have never trusted the predator ! .... After all they're not more than a food for Croc!

Friday, December 20, 2019

East of west .. Shit is the best !

Ramya was a nice aspiring cook and one day decided to participate in a reality TV cooking competition. Little did she realized the complexities of dealing with people involved with showBiz.

Her hard work and passion for food brought her to a certain level but she noticed that judges were not fair and competition was kind of decided and it was only a matter of time that she'd exit the show. It became even more clear when one day even after cooking a nice food, the judges kind of almost ousted her. She survived and on tasting the other food, she understood that the competition condition that "Food must taste good" is just a farce. "Judges must taste the food and declare the best food" is only to fool the audience and not really give a fare judgement.  And hence she decided to do something and teach a lesson to judges.

Next assignment turned out to be a "dessert".

Everyone cooked with lots of vigor, complexity and involvement but Ramya disdainfully worked hideously.  And when time came for the final taste and judge .... Everyone brought forward the great looking dishes which judges admired and despised based on their preference.

Last was the Ramya and she brough forward a dish hidden under another lid ....

First judge looked at it and smiled mischievously ..  Lets see what she "Managed" to cook up something this time. Ramya disregarding the insults thrown directly laughed devilishly .... Seeing her laugh .. the other two judges came forward and removed the lid off the plate ....

And off  they went vomiting ...    which brought forward everyone's attention there to the table and dish ....  It was nothing but pure evil genius dish ... It looked just like the freshly disposed "shit".
Third judge also saw that now and began vomiting as well ....

All contestants were laughing by now ... The thought of judges tasting that "shit looking" dish now ... was hilarious and they couldn't control that anymore ...

By now, first Judge recovering from the vomit looked hatefully at Ramya and said that he is not gonna taste that ... In fact none of them is gonna taste that ... Laughed Ramya and reminded them that by the laws of the show they're bound to taste it and judge it ... 

Judges understood that pretty well ... and realized that she was avenging for the insults they'd imparted on her ... they'd no other option then taking a byte out of the the seemingly "shit" looking dish ... !

Of course Ramya didn't win the contest and had to walk out after the incident ... but she felt proud that she gave a fitting dish for the occasion ...

Judges also learned a lesson and never ever insulted anyone after this incident and in cooking shows that became a major proverb .... 

"People often compared timelines with ... Since that shitty dessert !"


Friday, December 6, 2019

Transfer!

Sr Manager (SM) : Morning, walking inside the office with bag in hand ....  Security guard greats ... Morning sir, late today  ....
SM :  Yeah, got stuck in traffic ....
SM Enters the office .... looks around ....... almost empty office ....  shakes his head ... and goes straight to his office ....

Ch1 :  Just before he enters the office ... a character is sitting next to his office ... who instantly hides his screen ...

SM : Inside ... dials a meeting .... vague sound audible outside ...

Clock .. ticks ....  some moments for SM meeting expressisions and some arbitrary statements ..

Going past .. 11:30 .... Now some people start walking in slowly .... one by one ....

CH1 : Walk out to Cafeteria ...  Some people sitting, having tea/coffee  and talking there ...
 Random ... sound in background ... so what did you do on weekend etc ...
CH1 : Making his tea/coffee .. and heating in the oven ...  .. Some background sounds keep coming

CH1 :  Takes tea out from oven .. walks  Snatch a news paper  buried inside someones hand ... without any courtesy  ...spills one's drink but doesn't apolozize ...

Ch2 : The one spilled tea/ -- &get; curses ... silently  others give a disgusting look ...  and look at each other
Ch1 :  Doesn't care .. . ..and starts reading ...
Another one walks ... in and comes behind Ch1 :
Ch3 :  Interesting news ... ?  something on MidDay ...


Discussion continues .......  eventually bickering starts for SM ....

Another silencing slowly .... saying SM is coming ..

SM : Walks in with his bottle .... slowly filling the bottle ...

Group : Starts discussing on ... some techinical stuffs ...  Then starts walking out one by one ... Got meeting ... blah blah ...

CH1 : Walks accross to another isle .. where a Girl is sitting and making weired expressions.
Ch1 : What happened ? Who pissed you off on Monday morning  ?
G1 :  One stupid fellow ... Wished me belated birthday and blurted if I'm 25 now ? What the hell ? ... Do I look like 25 ?

Ch1 : No ..... after a pause ... so what birthday did you celebrate ...
G1 : It was my 24th birthday  ...
Ch1 : smiles ....  Yeah,  .... that fellow wasn't just stupid .. he was mean ! ...

Some nearby folks gether ..... wish happy birthday ...

G1 : You guys should eat some cake ...
G2 :  Did you get some candles ?
G1 : No ... No need to blow candles and cut the cake its the left over ... from Friday party ! .... 

Ch1 : Arey ... lets call that Stupid fellow for cake then ... He must be traumtized for his goof up ! ..
Everyone laughs ....

Ch1 : Turns around and ask G2 .... So "Tum kitni purani ho ?"
G2 : What  man ...  ... I've just joined ... I thought you knew ?  ...

Ch1 : ... Never mind, ... I meant ... how old are you now ?
Everyone laughs ....
G2 : 24
Ch1 :  Hmm  .. Shakes head .....

SM : walking around and staring at everyone ....
Ch4: Comes sniffing around .... I thought some eatables  here ? ....

Everyone walks back to their places .....

Ch1 : Goes back to his place .... 
SM1 : In a meeting ..... with his manger ....
SM2 :  This project doesn't seem to be in right state .....I'm not confident about the execution .. we need to be more proactive and have a radical look at this ...
SM1 : Shakes head .....
SM2 : Gets up from chair and on the door ... lets meet next week and assess the project ...  and walks out ... Ch1 turns around ... and finds SM1 bit edgy ....



 
Dilbert law :

I'm an escalator ... Yes, please do .. worse case will take the package and move out ...
if its good .. done or else will have to bring in bottle to the discussions

Not you but as other person has come in to context now then I must mention that in third person sense ....

Targetted person :  Sir, you've lots of experience so you know it all ...

Narrater : Smart ass pulling the leg ;) ... smarlty calling me idiot now ...


Katkar ...

Haan bhai  kaatkar aa gayi  ?

Katkar : .. sir ,,, main to yahan pe bahut der se hoo n ...

person : -- No .. not that katkar ...
Katkar : Then which one ?

Other one : Katkar to nahi aayi
Katkar : arey main hoon na

Person1 and 2 together  :  No not that katkar

Katkar :  kya Koi or katkar bhi hai ?

person1 : lets cut the katkar pause ... (puzzled face of katkar ... ) discussion ...