How to win election !

Just two days before election a ruling party for winning votes from certain section of society published a paid news that "Government mulling banning pork". It got instant unprecedented support.

Opposition think tank decided to fight back and too printed a paid news on the day of election that "Government mulling banning Porn".

And they managed to defeat the ruling party without actually doing anything !

Play --- A group of politicians have reflection on past years

Two guys waiting in a room -- With Banner/Slide ... "Party thinktank reflection"

Ch1 :  What the hack is the issue with these guys! Why can't they come ?
Ch2:  .That's because when occasion arises, these guys can't even rise ?

Ch1   : ha ha ha ....  All because of you ... अरे किसने बोला था की raid the blue pill sale on Snapdeal ?
Ch2:   Arey .. then it was an issue of doosra wala payement ka ! ... Is barre main to sochcha hi nahi tha!

Ch1 : .... Ha ha ha ... what's new in that .... arey there we're expert !  ना सोचने मैं !
ch2: Ha ha ha .... BTW, where are the rest of thinkers ?

Door Opens and some people enter :

ch1: Why're you guys late ?

Ch3: We got stuck on the way ... actually Yuvraj ji की बत्ती बंद हो गयी थी ।
ch2:  उनकी  तो बत्ती हमेशा ही बंद रहती है इसमें नया क्या है ? How can you get late because of that ?

Ch3: No no ... he was talking about the LAL bati ! ... Actually Yuvraj ji was going to other side and as Bati was off he got stuck in JAM.
Ch4: And crowd gethered to take a look at Yuvraj and traffic got jammed on other side ... बहुत बुरा हाल था साब । लाल बाटी पे काम नहीं आये ।  Not sure how these Junta is even travelling everyday !

Ch1: But why was Yuvraj on other side  of road ? ..Isn't he supposed to be here ?

ch5:  Sir, बत्ती बंद है न युवराज की ! … अब इधर जरूरत नहीं है। यही सोचा होगा !

ch2:  If he thought so much to  .. some batti is there ! ...

Ch* ... haan veh to hai !

ch1: Idiots ... he is required here or presstitute watching outside will make a comment on his diaper! ... Someone please make a call and request him to bring his ass ?

Ch4 : Ass ?

Ch1: Auspicious presence ... सुनने मैं नहीं आता तुझे ? मरवाएगा क्या ?

Ch6 ... Calls Yuvraj ... "Sir meeting can not start aapke bina ... jaldi aayiye !"

Ch2 : Lets start the meeting ....  Yuvraj ji will join before meeting ends.

ch1: Let us start with the challenges first ! ...

ch* ... Yes, yes ! ...

Ch2: So who wants to start ?

Ch7 :  मैं बोलता हूँ । यह बहुत मुस्किल वाला मामला है । परेशान करके रखा है

Ch* .. Looking at each other with a quirky smile ..
Ch7:  यह घोड़ी ने हद कर रखी है । There is a limit to everything.

Ch1: Kyon kya hua ? घोड़ी   --- घोड़े पे चढ़ गयी क्या ?
ch* ... ha ... ha ....
Ch7 : ... No .. no nothing like that ... at least  there is no CD for this one !

Ch2 : Not for this one ? .... Whose CD has come then ?

Ch5 : Sheepishly smiling ! ...

Ch3: ... Pointing at Ch5 ... Sir, Abhishek जी की आई है !
ch1 : अच्छा कब आई। …  पता ही नहीं चला !
ch5 : Last month that happened ... thankfully all news channels and news papers are controlled by Bambari bhai ... एक फ़ोन से ही इज़्ज़त बच गयी थी | but someone still managed to leak a copy of it. Thankfully web की मारने के लिए भी 66 A  था, बस बचा ली किसी तरीके से

Ch4 : Anyway how was the CD ?
Ch5: .. Top class ... साले जिसने भी बनायीं थी पूरी 4K बनायीं !
ch* All laughing ... and acknowledge ... Yes, Quality was good !
Ch1: .... Looking at everyone ... अरे ! तुमने किधर देखी ? Parliament मैं तो 4K टीवी है ही नहीं ?
ch* ... No no ... watched it at home !
Ch6 : I have a 110'' Samsung TV. बहुत बढ़िया क्वालिटी थी ! … CD भी blue ray format मैं थी । सब कुच्छ blue ही  blue ! मजा आ गया !
ch5: Smile sheepishly .... then .... Point ay ch6 and ...says .. Cut it ... Or risk release of group CD.
Ch* ... Pin drop silence and pause for few seconds ...

Silence broken by loud thud of door opening and music playing ... "Because I'm happy and .."

Few folks bed down and touch Yuvraj's feet and take his blessings. Other talking and looking in awe of Yuvraj ...

Settle down after a while !.... and things resume !

ch1:  Yes, so we're talking about  Ghodi ! ...
ch3 : Ghodi is becoming very popular ... All organisations for Hindu community are supporting him !
Ch2:  Hmm ...फिर कुच्छ ... secular  card नहीं निकला क्या ?
ch3: Try किया था ! आजकल नहीं चल रहा है । Folks are becoming smarter and not participating anymore!

ch1 : Common Junta ? What about party workers ?

ch4:  Not corporation ... everyone is cribing that we made good collections last  term ! All scams were in lakhs of crores ! और उनको लाखों मैं काम करने के लिए expect कर रहे है । This wont work!

Yuraj : So many problems ! Why they all work good with me ?

Ch2: Yuvraj ji .. .that's the magic of a दारू bottle  from DRY Gujrat and Mahatama Gandhi ji picture with 1000 written on it.

Yvraj : For all of them ?

Ch2: For each of them sir !

Yuvraj : She knows it ?
Ch2:  Knows ? ... She approves the budget !

Silence for few seconds !

ch1:  Hmm ... so how is party funds collection this time  ?

Ch* : Tough! ... Opposition guys are pulling everyone in. Getting in tough now a days!
Ch2: Any way to improve collections ?

Ch6: Can we expect good collection if we continue to block the bills ?

Ch2 : Yes, hit and negotiate under the table can work.  But we need some impact full speech for movement !

Ch * : All look at Yuvraj and comment .. last movement speech was very good ...

In flash back :

भाइयों और भेहनो आज मैं आया हूँ आप लोगों के पास हमारी माँ की खातिर । येह धरती जो हमारी माँ है वह माँ जिसमे आप सब लोग अनाज उगा रहे हैं आज मोदी सरकार की भद्दी नज़रों मैं है, हमारी सरकार ने कानून पास किया था की जब तक सबी लोग अपनी आज्ञा नहीं देंगे कोई कॉर्पोरेट आपकी माँ को हाथ नहीं लगाएगा लेकिन घोडी  सरकार चाहती है की कॉर्पोरट की भद्दी नजर रहते वह आप लोगों पे पैसा फेंक कर माँ को हथिया लें । आपकी माँ को कौन ले और क्या करे इसमें आपकी कोई भी भागधारी नहीं है ! ये सब अन्याय है और हम नहीं होने देंगे और हम लड़ेंगे । हम इसे नहीं होने देंगे जब तक यह आपकी चॉइस(Choice) न हो ।

जय माँ धरती की

 Yuvraj : Smiles .... Everyone reciprocates ...

Yuvraj : I already have thought about this . ( Ch * .. All puzzled ... ask simultaneously .. thought ?)
Yuvraj : Shuffles around and searches all pockets and takes out a piece of paper, gets up and start reading  ...

This is with NET neutrality ... आजकल नया टॉपिक चल रहा है बहार

When a fisherman throws his NET in sea, lake or river he is not partial to any fish, crab or tadpoles. He would take his prized catch and not think about that what he should catch and what he MUST not. He can't give a preferential treatment to expensive fishes alone and not catch the cheaper ones. If this is allowed to happen then market will not have Rohu, Katla and Saradine etc. It will only have Sears, Hilsa, pomfret and other expensive fishes, shrimps and crabs!

What will happen to the poor people ... poor people whose kids need OMEGA-3 fatty acids for consumption to gain the good fat and aid in brain development ?

We strongly advocate for NET neutrality in India for nutrition of all levels of social sectors. I close my speech with personal confession that because of NET neutrality and fish's consumption I myself have benefited in brain development. We MUST maintain NET neutrality in India to make sure that generations are healthier and smarter !

Ch * :: standing ovation and claps.

Ch1 ... looks at ch2 and whispers .... Looks like a bit of mercury overdose !

Ch1 : Okay, so to touch base for so far meeting  discussion ... collection for party is down, More blocking of bills and opposition for everything is required.

Ch3: What about the presstitutes cry that work in not moving forward ?

Ch2: People have GAJINI memory.... will forget. Don't bother .. everyone knows that no one gives a damn for this country. हर किसी को पैसा बनाना है ।
Ch* : All agree!

Ch7 : True, ... नहीं तो हिम वापिस कैसे चुने जाते ।  सभी गधे हैं तभी हम नेता बने हैं ।
Ch * .. Everyone laughs ... Yuvraj is puzzled ...
Ch 6 : Whispers to ch7 ... देख बत्ती बंद है !

Abhisek : And please keep looking for the Ghodi's CD. I want my revenge !

Ch1 : Anything else ?

Ch2 : Party workers not co-operating. Collections report must not come out.

Ch1 : .. Okay, lets set up a SIT to invent new ways to keep things under carpet. And Abhishek ji . will  take lead in planting paid journalist.  Lets create a Chaos ...
Ch2: That's where lies the opportunity ... 

Meeting concludes ...

Outside ... Media waiting ...

Ch1: We'd a good debate on current issues and future course of actions for party.


Media 2: Sir, what is your stand on current government banning porn  websites ?

Abhishek : We're not inclined with a philosophy that parliament could eventually obtain PG-13 by the virtue of  banning porn.  However, that's not something we must take pride in.
Already bollywood is endeavoring to epitomize a porn queen as fine Indian lady. Bringing utter shame and disrepute to advanced Indian culture.

Media 4 : Sir, what if she finds this defaming and goes to court ?

Abhishek : ... If its not for lawsuit on court premises and she takes me in right perspective then I must strive hard  to push in further to lock and strengthen the slippery bond.

Yuvraj comes out ....

All rush to him ...

Media ... : Sir, how was the meeting ? ... What did you miss ?

Yuvraj :  Pamper! .. Huggies is not so soft!

Media : How is madam ? Why did she not attend the meeting ?

Yuvraj :  She didn't have to. Today, I came with double layer protection of huggies.

Ch1 : Okay last question

Media : Sir main takeaway from meeting ?

Ch2: We'll show the real ugly and black face of this government.  Which is so dark and black that even Plasma TV can't show.
Its the technology's cost hindering our efforts.  Once Samsung announces a price cut on 4K TVs .. you'd see the results.

Media ... Sir, one more questions .....

Everyone walks away ....

World of APPs

A tech teacher in an institution was enraged with the quality of student's commitment. He planned to allow his students to bring smart phones to exam center and use them as they wished.

CONDITIONS : 

• Sharing of any scanned data with others restricted to one A4 size sheets per student. (Not much copy!)  
• Exams continue unless all pass! 
• Time restriction apply

First Test :

Preparation (1):  Happily scan everything in a smart phone and bring (Open book exam).

Result : All failed !

Second test :

Preparation (2) : Students figured out that formulas were too tough and their calculations failed for attempted problems. They decided to create APPs for all formulas and divided the work among themselves.

Result : All failed albeit with better results than last time.

Third Test :

Preparation (3) 

Students figured out that gaps in information in spite of available formulas as work was divided and not shared all of them couldn't figure out that which one to use and how. Groups which worked on the formula could crack the problem and rest failed badly. Overall result was a failure. So they MUST share that who was doing what!

Result :  All failed.

Fourth Test

Preparation (4) 

Students figured out that problems were tricky and needed "applying thoughts" and couldn't be solved with formulas alone ! ... they decided to understand 

Result : All passed and they didn't even need the smart phone this time !

Moral of the story : 

Don't download any tom, dick and harry APP to your phone ! It just doesn't work ! 

Quack !!

If you had a "Gold label" last night then what on earth world stop you from walking ? And then why not make this for a cause and that's exactly where Pappu exploits it for Kissan Yatra! 15Km ? Damn! that's much better than moving just 15m and pretending to eat some poor folks' smoky cattle class food!

A 15Km crowd draggng behind can be real muscle indicator for a simple fact that idiots may not even know why and what they're tailing for? Some may expect that some label of  "Jonhy" will be due for them envious of fact that most might already have a bottle or so ! Either-way, a crowd of this formidable size is menacing enough to shake things around yet poor Pappu can't even claim credit ! ... FEKU however has no issues owning up that PM for quack hit country came to know of that only after reading his tweet!  Uncle SAM may also not let go of this opportunity and write in TIMES magazine that how NASA MUST follow FEKU's tweets and forewarn the world about earth quacks !

In this race of who will claim credit for what and when .... May we suggest Pappu to stop causing disasters and focus on helping folks who suffered in Nepal and India ?

Baba पुत्र देव

Baba पुत्र देव :

Baba पुत्र देव is proud yet puzzled with media and political parties for his very "owned brand designed" Medicine guaranteeing a baby boy! Baba understands Media and TRP! ... But political parties ?
Ingredients for medicine enjoy equivalent status as "Party donations"  and promise alike "Self report card". Both outside the preview of RTI and accountability! How can political parties not understand that ? And how the heck parties could interconnect FEKU's initiative of  Beti Bachao (बेटी बचाओ) with Baba's medicine (बेटा लाओ) ? Arey! ... Baba is helping by not letting the need for बेटी बचाओ and collecting money from needy(unsuspecting) public than spending their TAXed money for initiative ! ..  where is the link/comparison ?

Baba पुत्र देव is so shaken up that he is not even sure that if this was a "Nepal quack" or free publicity for his "quack"!  Nonetheless, as long as free advertising goes on, Baba has decided to spend allocated marketing money on relief operations and probably contemplating making more by setting up "Quack" relief fund"!  Lets give our full support to पुत्र देव Baba and Kudos on his relief work!

मन की बात (Vol - 1)

Today my mind is like Pappu's! ..Its thinking so much about itself that FEKU will be shamed! Yet it's heating up unlike Pappu's. My guess is that energy from "Kedar Nath" has deposited in wrong head ! Surprisingly, this usually insane mind is also reaching sanity. Vision is getting as good as UPA's road map and achievements feeling... like FEKU SARKAR's. Confidence level reaching as (im)practical as fetching and depositing four Lakhs each in every Indian's account opened with जान धन योजना (Jan dhan Yojna) !
Today, it just wants to enjoy the moment and bask in glory of chant भम भम भोले (Bham Bham bhole!)  ---- And I'm gonna give it a break !!!

Pappu's point of view on Land law

My party and I personally have fought for farmer's cause and taken all land grabbers with heads on ! ... I'll not show my teeth but can hint you, that important one is missing when I personally took ... "in law" heads on for deals in Haryana! I might have lost the wisdom but not tooth ! (:-) .. the other way!) but I assure you personally that before I spit out any word on this topic .. I have vetted/chewed them well.
 I know the pain and suffering what farmers will go through when their land is taken for just four times the market price and without their consent! Poor farmers who commit suicide because they can't pay off the loans will be forced to go through the ordeal of  money in plenty. They like AAP SARKAR in Delhi wouldn't know that how to handle it and would lose all.

They all need to be protected and their "status quo" MUST be maintained. We must support them to strive hard and overcome the ignominy of losing out the crops and commit hard measures. They must be allowed to keep their land and eat it .... Sorry .. cake and eat it.

Friends! .. we need farmers and not the suit boot folks ! ... I urge all to just not save the land but also save the farmers and not allow this land bill to pass ! Thanks !

P/S :: आज भाषण अच्छा था ।

NET neutrality

When a fisherman throws his NET in sea, lake or river he is not partial to any fish, crab or tadpoles. He would take his prized catch and not think about that what he should catch and what he MUST not. He can't give a preferential treatment to expensive fishes alone and not catch the cheaper ones. If this is allowed to happen then market will not have Rohu, Katla and Saradine etc. It will only have Sears, Hilsa, pomfret and other expensive fishes, shrimps and crabs!

What will happen to the poor people ... poor people whose kids need OMEGA-3 fatty acids for consumption to gain the good fat and aid in brain development ?

We strongly advocate for NET neutrality in India for nutrition of all levels of social sectors. I close my speech with personal confession that because of NET neutrality and fish's consumption I myself have benefited in brain development albeit with a Mercury overdose! We MUST maintain NET neutrality in India to make sure that generations are healthier and smarter !